last night …

Someone tried to break into my home. Breached sanctuary. I’m ashamed of how terrified I was. How I looked around my bedroom for a weapon. Found one. How I still felt powerless as the door was heaved upon, the windows battered.

Jezzie cat stayed with me, the other two hid well.

Barricading the bedroom door I wondered if he was the one who stabbed my tank a month ago for diesel. Cost me loads I haven’t got to fix it. Thank goddess for credit cards. Hid that and the car keys. Few understand the bond between a gal and her car. And livelihood. The mortgage and stuff that needs paying for. That needs wheels. And to feel safe.

The police came and removed him from the back yard. He was just a hooded youth. Off his face. Now I’m even more ashamed. Of all of us.

4 thoughts on “last night …

  1. Wine & Words says:

    Jeeze. Who wouldn’t be frightened out of their flippin’ mind! Yay Jezzie, to ride it out with you. I’m so sorry. Violated is the right word. Even though the kid was young and tanked, your sense of safety was violated.

    • Shell says:

      thanks Annie – actually i hope this exorcism of fear doesn’t sound too much like whining … it serves me well to “get it out” so i apologise if this comes over as up-myself victim stuff

      in the past i’ve survived years of living in perpetual emotional fear so the strength of my reaction’s partly memory of that awful time … i know there are plenty worse things happening in the world and, optimistically, i think Cosmos prevented the young man getting in … so i was protected, though it didn’t feel like it at the time …

      retrospection’s great isn’t it? *smiles

  2. La Lunatique says:

    How awful, I’m so sorry that your home & peace of mind was violated. My heart is with you.

    • Shell says:

      la lunatique – you know what i do when traumatised? i clean house, move furniture, wash up … lol .. damn this house is looking good today! *exhausted sigh …

      i can’t even start to say how violated i felt/feel tho that’s maybe wrong of me .. the kid probably had no idea what he was doing … maybe he’s the same? exhausted before he even got started on life? *shudder

      thank you for listening and understanding …

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