due to total absence of muse *sigh – i’m still plugging away at this one – here’s the latest revision …
it never was like that, more
how smooth river slid around her waist
steadying impressive rush
thigh to wing
while she, courting swell and web,
caressed supernatural
feathers
penned immortality, downed throaty
groan, kick and scream alive
float in thrash and foam
not so much inhuman as beyond her
old man’s tired shallows
previous re-write, not in stone – just hoping for some clarity …
It never was like that, more
how the river slid around pale waist
steadying impressive rush
wing to thigh
while she, courting swell and web,
caressed supernatural
feathers in such dreaming
extravagantly white, sky-wild on her.
Not so much inhuman
as beyond
an old man’s comprehension.
5 Comments
Simpler and more elegant, like the curve of the swan’s neck. The idea is more lurking behind the poem than in it now. Very beautiful.
It touches my heart. Excellent breathing.
Geez, i didn’t realise it had been so long since i posted … sadly and painfully frustratingly – i’ve written nothing new … aarrgghh!
Anyway, thank you Paul for your lovely comment on this poem – which i’m still tinkering with as you can see *grin
Thank you Dibakar … i’m thrilled your heart was touched … *smiles
Janet – soo good to see you here again! i know you commented on the first version but thought i’d reply here to keep it all in one place. When i was at university there were swans on the little loch at the centre of the campus – they saw me off a time or two so yep, have some recollection of their ferocity when they choose to display it LOL I’ve been trying to hone this to suggest equal and consensual passion – not sure if i got there yet though i’m delighted if you enjoyed any of the versions thus far!
Hello, Shell. How I have missed you fabulous poetry. Hope you are feeling better and the best cure for writerly blocking is to write through it. Hello,
Hello, Shell. How I have missed your fabulous poetry. Hope you are feeling better and the best cure for writerly blocking is to write through it. Hello,
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ohhh hello you! and what lovely words of comfortly urge to just write … thank you, Paul … *hugs